Why getting married doesn’t always mean being settled?
If your Facebook timeline has been full of wedding pictures lately, and it looks like the entire world is getting married while you’re still single, I am on the same page as you. Being a 20 something and watching my timeline full of wedding updates brought me to thinking that the others (including me) are not doing well enough. No, I didn’t mean that they are not successful or they are not happy in their lives, but probably it’s the total idea of having a wedding that makes me think in this way.
Weddings in India are a huge affair where families are majorly involved. However, if I only look into the lives of the two people that are going in for a huge change, the perception is quite different. Well, not being anywhere close to getting wedded I don’t know how the excitements or anxieties are like. One thing I really wanted to understand is that if being married meant being settled.
I called a few of my friends to know what their take on this is, and they helped me figure out where I went wrong. They told me that getting married and getting settled don’t mean the same thing (much unlike what I had thought), it is just how people plan to work out their priorities and what they expect out of their lifestyle. Some people get married after they think they are responsible enough, both financially and mentally, while some people get into the relationship and get things done together.
I don’t know if either of these circumstances defines being settled anyway, because our lives are always unpredictable – we could be a moment away from a mishap. However, the concept of being settled gives us goals that we aim to reach to. Goals might mean a secured job, a great bank balance that is sure to multiply, or the dreams that they have fulfilled.
Most men are entitled to be eligible to get married when they meet the expectations of being ‘settled’ by the society. However, many people still think that women just need to know how to take care of a household. I think that is the main reason why I had different ideologies till now. As the families get absolutely involved in weddings there are plenty of considerations that come up. Sometimes the decisions are unfair, but hopefully, they put their best intentions.
Being a supporter of love marriage or relationships that have the absolute accord of both bride and groom, I think differently. I also believe that people are becoming more progressive and accepting that life doesn’t always work according to what’s ‘supposed to be’.
I think people nowadays do agree that two people can fall in love, help each other grow, get married or probably live together, and then fit into their idea of getting settled. That might mean supporting each other financially with professional identities, budgeting expenses, buying groceries together, saving up for a trip to Bali – in short achieving the actual relationship goals. I think here I agree that we can actually unsettle and explore the beauty of imperfect relationships.